TIME FOR TIME
By Nancy Sharp
"Don’t look back," I told myself as my husband, Steve, and I sneaked away for a day and night, alone, at the Devil's Thumb Ranch in pretty Tabernash, Colo., last month. With busy careers, side projects, four kids, and few uncluttered moments, stealing the time felt decadent. That we would settle on a place with spotty cell service was even a little naughty. We loved it.
Devil's Thumb sits on 5,000 acres at the foot of the Continental Divide in Ranch Creek Valley. While only 65 miles west of Denver, it feels much farther. Natural wonder is abundant, from the jeweled setting to the way the intricate pine beetle patterns in the rooms cast warm, bluish-brown hues. You walk the soft wood floors from the grounds and can't help but feel connected to the earth, and to another place in time. The experience transported me in a way I hadn't expected.
How often are you able to step outside your day-to-day life and still the rapid pulse? I'm in my 40s, and every woman friend my age feels similarly: We're all doing a mad-dash juggling act. It's not just women; men, too, are forever pressed. And yet, research confirms that women tend to feel such stresses more acutely. Case in point: Whereas Steve allows himself to curl up in bed for hours on a Sunday afternoon, I feel pulled by the laundry, dinner, and children. In shorter doses, yes, I unwind. But time, it seems, is always pushing me forward.
I hadn't realized how much I needed to retreat from life until Steve and I were walking on the Devil’s Thumb property, listening only to the pleasing sounds of snow crunching beneath our feet and to our jagged breathing. It was exercise, but so much more. There in the wilderness, with nary another soul around for close to an hour, the cool air filling our lungs and the crisp smell of trees burning in the distance, time stood still. We savored the silence.
Remember the movie Cast Away starring Tom Hanks? He plays a time-obsessed, workaholic FedEx analyst too busy for family relationships. While traveling the globe for business, his plane crashes, stranding him on a deserted island for five years. The experience transforms him both mentally and physically, bringing new awareness of what matters most in the world.
The film's underlying message resonates: learning not to live by the clock. Let's face it, this is a concept at odds with our heady love of BlackBerries, Twitter and consummate connectedness.
Perhaps we are unaware of the damage created by choosing this need-it-now lifestyle, suggests David Sanders, psychologist and director of Denver's Kabbalah Experience. Based on the ancient wisdom of Kabbalah, his organization serves as a center of spiritual learning, which includes challenging people to change their perspective on how they live in time.
"The way we live today, burdened by these demands and excesses of our choosing, binds us to be driven by the clock," says Sanders. "The more we buy into this instantaneous culture, the more time washes over us and becomes, as Tom Hanks says, a relentless taskmaster."
Put down your BlackBerry for just a moment.
What transports you to another place in time? How might you move more to the beat of your heart than the tick of the clock?
Dr. Sanders and I offer these practical suggestions:
1. Commit to one thing at a time. Stay organized. Don't start projects you can't finish and finish projects that you start. The garage needs to be swept (again), the refrigerator is growing mold, and the kids' clothes need to be weeded. The list goes on. Set realistic time frames to tackle these projects. Experts say pruning a little each day keeps the stress at bay. In so doing, you'll free up mental space, leaving more time and energy to do what you love.
2. Create sanctuaries. Typically, we think of sanctuary as a remote place. Being there, as in a place of worship, allows us to step outside the normal bounds of time. What defines sanctuary, however, is very personal and requires little more than awareness of what makes you feel still. Whether you designate a chair in your bedroom that faces out, a Japanese garden in your back yard, or a studio in your basement, declare accessible sacred space that is free of clocks, watches, and sundials.
3. Be present. It's more a mindset than a physical requirement. Like the Buddhist masters say, when you're washing the dishes, wash the dishes. Multitasking not only saps your energy but also makes you a slave to time. Recognize, too, that you may not be able to give all your time to something (like making your son's 3 p.m. basketball game during a work day), but you can still give some of your time — and be present. In other words, do what you can with the time you have. Being present means that not everything needs to happen right now.
4. Hone your sense of timing. It's not just for comedians. Everyone benefits from wisely selecting moments. This means intuiting the best time to comfort a friend after a family loss just as it applies to knowing when to approach a delicate subject with your partner. Clue: not when he's piping mad. People need space, and you can develop a better sense of timing on when to enter it.
5. Visualize a defining moment of joy. Let your mind wander to a specific scene or image — a celebration or victory, perhaps. Maybe this moment lies in the future. What achievement would make you happiest? Draw a picture in your mind and let yourself go to that time and space, because one free, joyful thought builds on another.
As for me, I've come to realize that I must make time for time. I still fantasize (often) about secluded overnight getaways, but armchair traveling with a good book or movie, or even in a luscious aromatherapy bath, is easier to pull off and creates a stockpile of resilience. Stepping away from the timers in life is the surest way I know to expand my clarity and perspective. It's what makes me feel I've got all the time in the world.
I'll leave you with this favorite passage of mine by Maya Angelou: "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."
Go for it!
Nancy Sharp is a freelance writer and author of VividLiving.org, a blog about embracing life in full bloom, thorns and all. E-mail her at nsharp@nancysharp.net.